"it is as it is"
a good answer to those who ask, "how's the paper?" when i don't really know the real answer for that. well, it doesn't really matter. i'm done with it already. currently crossing fingers, hoping to pass the points. i'm putting a high hopes as inche gabbana once said, "nak beli barang cap ayam?" which metaphorically means, muslims don't simply live up to the expectations, they go beyond that.
when some people asked me, " how's the feeling of being free?"
i answered,"nothing." hell yeah.
nothingness has build up in me. showing nothing except for nothingness. the days have become like any other days, meeting, readings, exercising, all-in-one. except for books and papers. i've put them out of my room already. it is not that i hate them that much, but. it is just for the sake of doing it. really reluctant to throw up some useless things. for a good memory perhaps? who knows.
tomorrow, there will a grand dinner. mrs Rosmaria, my lovely tok teacher said, "aren't you going to 'gardenner' tonight?" "garden-what?"
"yeah. Garden+dinner. gardenner?"
well. that does make me smile. at least for the day. i just wanna keep these days for memories. but it is not for me put the stone on my head thinking about the past. because i prefer the future. a doctor? maybe. a lecturer? perhaps. a da'ie. definitely.
currently restructuring my career planning to suit it with my current understanding of life. and yup, IB does more than give me hellish experience of no-sleep, brain-cracking moments of TOK, another no-sleep memory of mathport and bms ia. IB brought me to understand the world through my lens. it brought me to see what can't be seen. heard what can't be heard. and of course. see the world in the most lens i've ever made. the lens of Islam.
yeah. call me jumud, budak surau, budak usrah, geng naim, or whatsoever. who the hell cares? i love my ikhwah as well as i love myself as they are no other than a part of me. i'll be missing them. hearing the phrase, "kalau kita tak jumpa lagi, insyaallah, kita jumpa kat syurga", i know i have to keep surviving in this way. the hard way. but the most blessed. yeah. i will not be famous. i will not be rich. i will not be what i actually wanted to be. but i am a growing man. and i live by my principle. and my principle is what made me up as well as how i made up my priciple.
changes is good. if it is for greater good. and the best changes that i've ever have in my life. is the life of tarbiyah. thank you Allah, for giving me this fortune, for i shall treasure them as long as i am here. let me die with the state of loving Your way, as i too, am the weak of all.
with that. i declare that i am a free man. and an active blogger once again. insyaallah.